- many baby boomers will be cleaning out their parents home.
You may think it is a bit morbid and it certainly is a very emotional and stressful thing to do – most of us will one day be left with a most unwelcome task – to clean out our parents home.
Not only is this a very stressful time, but in many cases it can be a huge task, requiring a lot of work on your part.
The following insights may make your job a little easier.
Although every situation is different, whether the stuff you are dealing with is worthless or valuable, there is a common thread. The generation of our parents did not seem to get rid of anything – ever.
You could end up dealing with trash and treasures your parents have collected, or hoarded depending on your point of view, over decades. And it is now up to you to deal with it all.
Many children find, much to their surprise, that they get mad at their parents for leaving them a task, which is often overwhelming.
“Why did Mom and Dad not get rid of all this stuff, they had plenty of time.”
Yes, your parents may have had plenty of time to get rid of the stuff, instead of leaving it for you to deal with – and that may make you recent them.
The advise here is to quickly forgive them and deal with reality. Not only will you feel guilty blaming your parents if you don’t, it will also make an already unpleasant task even worse.
You will face two different main scenarios; Either you are a single child or you have sibling/s.
If you have siblings, clearing up you parents estate can create life long resentment or even estrangement among you. Even if you get along you can easily have disagreements that can delay the clearing for months or even years.
Make it about family unity, not your own agenda and what you want out if it. Your parents would have wanted their children to get along. Be respectful to their memory and consider the feelings of your siblings.
Be on the look-out for the vultures. There may be neighbours, relatives or “friends of the family” ready to “rescue” some of the goodies. Some may even justify their actions by “saving” valuables from other, less worthy heirs.
If your parents didn’t leave an executor in charge, appoint someone to secure the house immediately and change the locks. Make sure everyone understands that taking items without the others’ consent is theft.
If your parents left valuable stuff and did not designate in their will or another way who gets it will be up to the executor to deal with. The better solution is that you and your siblings reach an equitable agreement on how to divide things. If you cannot agree the valuable items should be sold and the money distributed evenly.
If you have no idea of the value of your parents estate hire an appraiser or ask the executor to do it. Many treasures have been lost or given away because the item did not look expensive. We have all heard stories of hidden Rembrandt paintings and forgotten crown jewels.
Once all the valuables and spoken for items have been removed, the rest of the stuff needs to cleaned out.
If you have siblings make sure they are present on clean-out day so that you can all agree on what to do with the remaining items. It will give you a last chance to save a forgotten memento. It can also save you an argument between you later on.
Whomever you select to take away the remaining stuff on clean-out day will likely need at least 3 to 4 weeks advanced booking. When you make the booking ask them if you need to rent a dumpster, what to do with old paint cans, pesticides and other environmental hazards. Most communities have a central hazardous-waste disposal and collection location.
Arrange for a way of shredding you parents personal papers so that their SIN number and other sensitive information does not fall into the wrong hands.
The following items may come in handy on clean-up day:
* Thirty to 50 sturdy boxes.
* A box of 100 heavy-duty trash bags.
* At least six rolls of packing tape.
* Permanent markers for labelling boxes.
* A tool kit with screwdrivers, pliers, a measuring tape and a hammer.
* A hand truck.
* A wheelbarrow.
Those working in the house should wear work clothes and be supplied with:
* Leather and latex gloves.
* Respirators or dust masks.
* Kneepads and back supports.
Make sure there is lots of drinking water (and cups), snacks and meals for the crew.
It is also a good idea to designate a specific place or a room for “found treasures” and items to donate.
Remember people hide things in the most unlikely places.
Once again, this is your last chance to find those “hidden treasures” like jewellery in the attic, money buried in the garden or stock certificates in the pages of a book.
At a minimum you should check:
* Clothing and shoes.
* Drapery hems.
* Canister sets (dump the flour or sugar through a colander).
* Books.
* Ice cube trays.
* Toilet tanks.
* Balls of duct tape.
* Picture frames (between the mats and the pictures).
* Attic rafters.
Last but not least – stay organized. Take the trash to the curb as soon as the bag is full, so you don’t trip over it. Finish a room at the time. Set goals and time-lines for what you need to accomplice and stick to it. Make sure everyone drinks regularly and insist that breaks and meals are honoured.
Not only will being organized give you the sense that things are moving on, but it may also help you to keep emotions at arms length.
This article can only scrape the surface of this Most Un-welcome Task and not two will be the same.
Please share your comments and suggestions below.
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Speaking of hiding places, an elderly aunt died a few years ago and some relatives went in and threw everything out, including the jewelry in the cracker boxes. I thought it was kind of amusing, actually. It’s just jewelry.
Well, there is nothing wrong with a little windfall. Too bad it got ditched.
Been there and done that…A difficult job..fighting over stuff, what to sell, giveaway etc…And there lots o emotion dealing with this chore. We often thought our parents would live and be healthy all of their lives.
This article is written from the perspective of the Boomer generation. It seems to assume that no other generation had to care for their parents. It also assumes that all elders keep things for ever. An amazing number of the Depression Era generation actually managed to assign everything to others, who they named in their will, or managed, against every instinct instilled in them from the era in which they grew up, to throw out what they could no longer use.
A large percentage are now living in Homes for the aged or retirement communities where there is no space to gather junk, or keep junk, so the boomer generation has nothing to worry about. Some of these elders have found that they furnished the Boomer generation homes, but when something they gave might be useful to them again, for a brief few years, it is not made available.
Others are living in assisted living situations where they also have already edited their prize possessions or given them to the Boomer generation, who now, having everything they want, need not visit or care.
Some are willing to sell paintings or other art and antiques, but the market isn’t right for selling, and so they need to wait a bit (everything always comes around), but the boomers want it NOW. They always have.
If, on the other hand, the Depression Era parent now wants to live with the paintings, antiques and jewelery largely intact and they are healthy enough to do so, they are put under considerable pressure to give them up anyway since they haven’t had the grace to fade away. This can include books, dishes, silver etc. They are an impatient lot I must say.
Margaret, you sound like a very bitter person that holds grudges and you seem to lump all “Boomers” as ingrates, selfish, impatient, greedy brats. You sound like my neighbor. I always wondered why her grown kids (2 of which I know and are very nice people) didn’t visit her…until I got to know her.
take care