Traditionally, men have been reluctant to acknowledge that they’re feeling depressed, and even more unwilling to seek medical help. However, say Todd Patkin and Dr. Howard J. Rankin, depression is not a sign of weakness—it’s a medical condition that men need to know about and watch for. It’s a matter of health!
Depression is more prevalent than ever. America is becoming a nation of overworked, overstressed, and (often) unhappy people. More than that, though, increasing numbers of Americans are being diagnosed with depression—and that includes men. Studies show that each generation is more likely to become depressed than the one that came before it—and more likely to become so at an earlier age, too. Not surprisingly, antidepressant use in our country continues to grow.
“I’ve learned that you can be prone to depression because of your genetics, but also due to life circumstances,” shares Patkin. “I’ve thought for years that the way we live and work in America is unhealthy. And I know that the recent economic downturn and the fact that it caused a lot of people to lose their savings and jobs hasn’t helped our outlooks and mental health.”
Men experience different symptoms from women. If you were asked to picture depression, you’d probably think of someone who is quiet, sad, apathetic, and lethargic. Those symptoms are characteristic of depression, but they’re more commonly seen in women. Because most people don’t realize that depression manifests differently between the sexes, many men fail to even suspect the true nature of what is bothering them.
“Women are likely to internalize their negative feelings and blame themselves for their problems, while men more commonly act out on their emotions,” Dr. Rankin explains. “Depression manifests itself differently in men because their emotional circuits and brains are designed differently. So instead of getting tearful, a man who is depressed might become irritable, hostile, and fatigued. Like Todd, he might dive into his work or a hobby until he literally can’t carry on. He’s also likely to blame other people or other circumstances for his problems, rather than admit that he is experiencing troubling symptoms.”
There’s a connection between depression and stress. None of us like stress—that’s a no-brainer. On the flip side, though, stress is so prevalent that we tend to ignore it and write it off as normal, despite the fact that we’ve all heard the statistics about how chronic stress can cause high blood pressure, heart disease, and other health problems. But did you know that long-term stress can also increase your risk of becoming depressed?
“While depression can be related to genetics, it can also be caused by long-term stress—especially if you’re not handling it well,” Dr. Rankin asserts. “When you’re constantly worn down, anxious, and unhappy, you’re essentially training your brain to be that way—and eventually, your brain’s biochemistry becomes locked into this pattern.
“If you are plagued by pretty constant stress, or if you’ve been diagnosed with depression, I firmly believe that exercise is the best mood manager because it naturally releases endorphins,” he adds. “When I was in training many years ago at the Institute of Psychiatry in London, the consultant running the mood disorders unit (which housed numerous depressed people) had all of the patients exercising morning, noon, and night. This was before the term ‘aerobics’ was coined, and everyone wondered what he was doing. Turns out this man was ahead of the curve in realizing the crucial role of exercise in mood management.”
Depression can damage your physical health. You may consider depression to be a disorder that’s rooted in the brain. But that doesn’t mean it can’t affect your body, too. As Dr. Rankin has pointed out, depression is accompanied by a loss of energy. It can also cause muscle pain, joint pain, digestive problems, headaches, reduced sex drive, and more—and it’s easy to see how those symptoms can disrupt your life.
“If you’re depressed, it’s very possible that you’ll feel exhausted and in pain all of the time,” Dr. Rankin shares. “It’s actually not uncommon for patients to be misdiagnosed at first because they and their doctors think that the unpleasant symptoms have another cause. That’s why it’s very important to understand that depression isn’t just ‘in your head,’ and to be completely open with your doctor.”
Depression can also hurt your family. Don’t make the mistake of believing that depression affects only you. To put it bluntly, if you’re lacking energy or if you’re anxious, irritable, or in pain, your family will notice. And their daily lives—in fact, their basic well-being—will be impacted, too. Your spouse and children might feel that they have to walk on eggshells around you, for example, and might become anxious themselves because they can’t ease your burden. You won’t be able to give them the attention, support, and love that you used to, either.
“In hindsight, one of the worst things about my depression and breakdown was how much I am sure it scared and upset my wife,” Patkin recalls. “Also, I simply couldn’t be the dad and husband I wanted to be. Please, if you’re reluctant to get help for your own sake, do it for the people you love. And remember that if your kids see you moping around every day, they will be much more likely to grow up the same way, thinking that an unhappy life is simply the norm. That’s not something any father wants to leave as a legacy for his children…and then for their children after them as well.”
Depression is not a cause for stigma. Patkin has said it before, and he’s adamant about saying it again: Depression is not something to be ashamed of. While clinical depression is very different from a disease like cancer, they have one major thing in common: No one chooses to suffer from either, and no one can power through these ailments unaided. Untreated, depression can be just as devastating to you and your family as any other major illness.
“I understand why men feel it is their job as the head of the household to ignore their depression and just continue on,” Patkin says. “But doing so can ruin your life and even lead to suicide. I’m very glad to see that our society’s view of depression is finally changing, albeit much too slowly for my liking. Today, scientifically we know more about it, and more and more people are becoming aware of its symptoms. I’m passionate about bringing the reality of depression into the public conversation, and I’m not the only one. Well-known figures including Terry Bradshaw, George Stephanopoulos, and Mike Wallace, to name a few, have also opened up about their own struggles with this illness in order to raise awareness and dispel myths.”
Depression is treatable. Many people suffer from debilitating depression for months or even years, and if you’re one of them, you may believe that a “normal” life is—and always will be—beyond your grasp. Depression is treatable, though—and with a combination of counseling and medication, most people are able to completely regain their quality of life.
“However, it’s also important to understand that psychoactive drugs are not one-size-fits-all,” warns Dr. Rankin. “Antidepressants narrow the range of emotion so that you can’t feel as low. However, some people claim that antidepressants can reduce their ability to feel life’s highs as well. The answer is finding the right medication in the right dose for each person—and this can take time.”
“Once you and your doctor do find the combination of medication and/or counseling that works for you, I promise you’ll be astounded by the results,” assures Patkin. “It’s possible that just one pill a day can make you feel like a whole new man again! When my doctor and I found a medication that restored my brain chemistry, I felt like my old self in just three weeks’ time.”
“If you suspect that you might be suffering from depression—or even heading toward it—I promise you that talking to your doctor is the best thing you can do for your health, your family, and your future,” concludes Patkin.
To learn more read this book byTodd Patkin :
Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and–Finally–Let the Sunshine In
What does a happy life look like?
We all know appearances can be deceiving. And never is this adage more relevant than when it s applied to happiness. For instance, you d probably imagine that anyone with financial success, a loving family, and a respected position in the community would be the very picture of contentment. But you d be wrong just ask Todd Patkin.
His book, Finding Happiness: One Man s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and Finally Let the Sunshine In, explores the painful emotions that often lie just beneath the surface of a perfect life. From a childhood riddled with insecurity and perfectionism to an adulthood marked by the exhaustive need to always excel and achieve more to a devastating breakdown at the
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